


Let Me Sleep

by lotrangel17



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-10
Updated: 2012-05-10
Packaged: 2017-11-05 03:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/401801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotrangel17/pseuds/lotrangel17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exchange fic: I chose the prompt of Dark Paradise ~ Lana Del Rey.</p>
<p> Also this is my first songfic so I hope I did it right. B</p>
<p>ig thanks to Dee who is always there to Beta for me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Sleep

_All my friends tell me I should move on  
I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song  
Ahhh, that's how you sang it  
Loving you forever, can't be wrong  
Even though you're not here, won't move on  
Ahhh, that's how we played it_

Harry sat on the window seat and stared out the window. He'd never been able to sit still for a long time because he always had to be on the move; however, since Draco walked out of their apartment almost two months ago, he hadn't done much other than sit on the couch or sit by the window. From this vantage point, he could see people coming in all directions, and a small part of him knew he was watching for that wonderful, white-blond hair to come walking his way. 

When the owl tapped on the window, he jumped and swore. He slipped open the window, took the envelope from the owl and shooed it away. Without even looking, he threw the letter onto the stack of letters on the side table. There were about twenty notes lying there now, and after reading the first few, he stopped opening them. He closed off his Floo too; he didn't need to hear anymore from his friends. 

They were all saying the same thing; you need to move on, Harry. You need to stop thinking he's coming home, Harry. You need to take care of yourself, Harry. Well, he wasn't moving on, and he couldn't stop thinking that Draco was going to walk through the door. He didn't want to move from this spot to shower or eat because he might miss Draco coming home. 

So he sat there and watched and waited. 

_And there's no remedy for memory your face is  
Like a melody, it won't leave my head  
Your soul is haunting me and telling me  
That everything is fine  
But I wish I was dead_

Finally, around midnight Harry moved to the couch. He sat down and pulled the pillow up to his nose. He buried his face in it - it still smelled like Draco's aftershave. Unconsciously, he began rocking back and forth the way that Draco used to do when a song came on the radio, and the memory of the time Draco had let go and sang to him replayed in his mind. It haunted him daily. 

Why Draco left, he still didn't know. Draco had merely said, 'you should know why, Harry' but he didn't. No matter how hard he tried, he just didn't know what happened to make Draco so unhappy that he left. He couldn't stop the tears that began again, and all he could think of was that he wished the pain would just go away. 

_Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side_

Harry knew he was dreaming because he was with Draco. He didn't want to wake up so he ignored it and went into Draco's arms when he called to him. He could feel those strong arms around him and it felt so good. Then a pain struck his heart because he knew this was only a dream, and it hurt so much to know Draco wasn't going to be there when he woke. He made himself stay asleep knowing Draco would be there for him in his dreams. 

_All my friends ask me why I stay strong  
Tell 'em when you find true love it lives on  
Ahhh, that's why I stay here_

He managed to eat some cereal for breakfast. It tasted like cardboard and his tongue felt thick, too big for his mouth. A knock came at the door and Harry went to open it, thinking it was Draco and he'd forgotten his key. The smile on his face fell as soon as he saw Hermione and Ron. They stood and stared at him, and Harry just turned and went back into the apartment. They talked for a few minutes and Harry attempted to respond but then the nagging started. 

"Harry, you need to get out of this place," Hermione said. 

Then Ron started, "Yeah mate, why don't you let us take you to our place or the Burrow. You know Mum would look after you." 

Harry shook his head forcefully, how dare they! "I'm not leaving; how can I leave? If I leave, Draco will be upset when he gets back and I'm not here!" 

They looked at each other then Hermione spoke quietly, "Harry, you know Draco isn't coming back, right? He's moved on, and you need to as well. It's not healthy for you to live like this. Please let us help you."

Harry stood up and walked to the window. "Thank you guys for coming to see me but I think you better go now." He ignored them completely and didn't turn around when they left. He had to stay here - he was not leaving. This was where he needed to be. 

_But that there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,  
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight  
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight_

After Ron and Hermione left he decided to go back to bed. He pulled together the heavy drapes and turned out all the lights. Then he blocked the light from under the door and pulled the covers up over his head. He wanted to sleep again. He laid there trying to fall asleep again, but it was only ten in the morning and he had just slept all night long. So he laid there and then all the terrible thoughts that he usually kept at bay came into his head

'You should know why, Harry.'

'You need to move on; he has too.'

'Draco is seeing someone Harry; you need to get over this.'

'You should know why, Harry.'

'You need to take care of yourself.'

'You need to move on; he has too.'

He dug his knuckles into his eyes and stars appear in his mind. He focused on the stars and started breathing deeply. Suddenly, he was back in Draco's arms; he was finally asleep again. A smile came across his face; he and Draco were back together again. They were dancing to the song Draco sang to him. They were on vacation walking along the beach hand in hand. They were lying in bed side by side and whispering to each other of all the things they want to do. 

Suddenly, there was a bright light, panicked he looked at Draco who had gotten up and out of bed and was dressed. 

'Please stay, Draco. Please don't go.' 

'I have to, Harry and you know why.' 

He turned to leave, and Harry realized he was waking up. He started shouting in his mind, 'STAY ASLEEP, DON'T WAKE UP! STAY ASLEEP, DON'T WAKE UP! STAY ASLEEP, DON'T WAKE UP!' 

He decided then and there to never get out of bed. Once he fell back asleep, he was never going to wake up again. 

_There's no relief, I see you in my sleep  
And everybody's rushing me, but I can feel you touching me  
There's no release, I feel you in my dreams  
Telling me I'm fine_

Harry knew someone was carrying him, but he didn't open his eyes. It felt like Draco, and he didn't want to lose that feeling. He wanted to stay asleep and keep dreaming about Draco carrying him. 

He looked up at Draco and his mouth started moving as if he was talking, but then it was Ron's voice instead of Draco's voice. "You're gonna be fine, Harry. Just hang on, okay. You're gonna be fine." He got the uncomfortable feeling that accompanied Side-Along Apparition then he felt nothing at all. 

_Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you  
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side  
Every time I close my eyes  
It's like a dark paradise  
No one compares to you _

Harry was dreaming again, or at least he thought he was. But he wasn't sure because this time Draco wasn't holding him or singing, and he wasn't talking nicely. He wasn't in his bed in their apartment because the bed didn't feel right, and the smell reminded of St. Mungo's but that couldn't be right. Confused, he concentrated on Draco's voice, the one thing that never failed to soothe him. 

'I don't care what's wrong with him, Granger; I'm not going in there!'

'You must, Draco, please. If you ever cared for him, you'll go in there and tell him you forgive him, so he can start to heal.'

'In his room is the last place I want to be, and as for forgiveness, that's not going to happen. Now I'm leaving and don't contact me again, or I swear it'll be the last thing you do!' 

Harry starts thrashing in the bed, 'no, no, no, don't leave me again' he starts rocking and crying 'go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep.'

Finally, he sees Draco, and he's smiling and pulling Harry to him. Harry sighs and knows he's asleep once again. 

_But that there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,  
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight  
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha  
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight_

Harry was laughing and so was Draco. They were dancing and making plans for their future. Draco's kisses were sweet on his lips, and Harry finally was at peace. 

They buried him on a Tuesday, next to his parents in the little cemetery in Godric's Hollow.


End file.
